Out of the Dust

A lot of things have changed.

I've lived in Milledgeville for two months now, although it feels like much, much longer.  When I first moved in, I remember unpacking my things and suddenly feeling like I had been punched in the stomach.  I don't want this, I remember thinking.  Why did I think I wanted this?

Those thoughts raced around in my head for a couple of weeks.  It seemed like the most unnatural thing in the world to be living in not only a different house, but an entirely different city than my parents.  I didn't know the names of any of the professors at my new school, whereas at my old one I knew of almost all of them.  I missed so many people and things about home that it was absolutely overwhelming.

I still miss home.  But now...this is home, too.

God has shown so much of His goodness to me since moving here.  It is so clear that He has been carefully preparing this time for me, and that amazes me.  He placed me in a beautiful apartment where my roommates have become two of my very best friends- godly young women who encourage me, stand by me, and make me laugh so much.  He gifted me with the confidence and the abilities to continue in a music program that is very difficult and often very hard on one's self esteem.  He blessed me with immediate friendships here so that I never feel lonely.  Perhaps best of all, twenty years ago He made me the daughter of the best parents I can imagine- two followers of Christ who love each other and their children with all their hearts, and who have provided more than enough for me emotionally, spiritually, and materially for my whole life.  He is so good.

I have also known a lot of pain since moving here.  I have been homesick.  I have made some very scary and painful changes in relationships.  I have been stressed beyond belief about school.  I have been scared of what lies ahead.  I have tripped over a lot of infamous Milledgeville sidewalks.

In the midst of pain, though, there has been so much healing.  The Father of all Creation never leaves His child to weep alone.

Looking back to only six months ago, I am in awe that I am able to say these things.  I had so little faith.  I refused to look to God for healing because I could only look inward at my own brokenness.  He truly did lift me up out of the dust.

He's not finished with me.  He's not finished with any of us.  Now, I look to the future with hope instead of fear because I have faith in the God who never leaves.

There is hope beyond the suffering, joy beyond the tears
Peace in every tragedy, love that conquers fear
I have found redemption in the blood of Christ
My body may be dying but I'll always be alive
{When My Heart Is Torn Asunder - Phil Wickham}