Hallelujah.

Two hours ago, I sat on my bed, completely still.  My eyes closed and head bowed over my guitar, I simply absorbed the peace of that quiet moment.  The only sound was the clock ticking, my steady breathing, and the remnants of that last hallelujah still ringing in the air.

I've been under attack this week.  In keeping with the theme of my last post... arrows have been flying.  Sharp, flaming arrows that instill doubt, insecurity, fear, anger, guilt, and desperation in any heart they pierce.  They've been flying, and I got hit.

Recently I wrote about a verse in Psalm 91, which says not to be afraid of Satan's arrows. But I never said the arrows wouldn't strike. I've been struck down more times than I can count, but I have nothing to fear because God revives me.  He does.
But it still hurts to get knocked down.

"When Satan tempts me to despair, and tells me of the guilt within
Upward I look and see Him there, who made an end of all my sin."

It's so easy to be consumed with the "what if's."

      What if this doesn't work out the way I planned?

                  What if I get hurt?

                                           What if I mess up?

   What if I'm not good enough?

I've been running from those questions for as long as I can remember, but every once in a while they catch up with me and I find myself on the floor, hands in my hair, too scared to for another step, another breath, another day.  The walls are caving in.  I'm scared.  I can't.

"Because a sinless Savior died, my sinful soul is counted free
For God the Just is satisfied to look on Him and pardon me."

I may have been under attack this week, but God picked me up off the ground again tonight.  He took me in His arms and breathed His strength into me so I could stand up again.  My heart was pierced with doubt and fear, but He took those arrows and hurled them far away. He mended me again.

My soul was dirty once.  These feelings of insecurity and guilt were valid once.  Before the blood of Christ washed me clean and made me a friend of God, I had every reason to doubt myself.  I was nothing.  But that time has passed, and it's time I stopped living as if a slave to sin and hurt.

Remember this, friends... if you are under attack, there is hope.
You are not alone, and your victory is in Christ.

"Hallelujah, hallelujah... Praise the One risen Son of God."