Deciding to Please

I've been struggling lately with a lot of decisions.  Not only am I being presented with a lot of new situations that require important decisions, but I have also been finding myself looking back a lot and wondering if I've made the right decisions in the past.  Honestly, it's exhausting.  Constantly wondering if I'm doing the right thing may not be the most popular form of worry, but it is worrying nonetheless.

I've been praying about it a lot, and recently God revealed something to me through my mom's wise words that helped a lot.  A lot of times, we wonder if doing a certain thing would be wrong.  Is it wrong to say certain things?  Is it wrong to date this guy?  Is it wrong to watch this show?  Is it wrong to go to this place?

I think Satan probably gets a little giddy when we ask these questions.  Don't forget- Satan is the father of all lies (John 8:44), the tempter (Matthew 4:3), and the evil one (Matthew 13:19).  He loves to twist the truth and use that to convince us that it isn't wrong to do a lot of things.  He is happy to to deceive us and make us think that it isn't so bad to do things that aren't in God's will.

Maybe what we should be asking ourselves, instead, is if what we're doing is right.  The other night, I was seriously doubting my judgment one of the big decisions that I made recently- unfortunately, I was disregarding the guidance that God had given me towards making that decision and the peace that He gave when I finally made it.  I desperately wanted to go back and change my mind.  Satan had firmly convinced me that it wouldn't be wrong.  But then, I turned the questions that I was asking around and asked myself this:  Would it please God if I changed my mind about this?  Would He sit back and smile and say, "Well done, my daughter, you have done my will"?

I knew that the answer was no.  Even though God wouldn't stop loving me, I knew that I would not be pleasing my Heavenly Father if I changed my mind.

I'm not saying that this is the magic solution to making the right decisions.  What I am saying, though, is that we shouldn't strive to make ourselves happy and just avoid doing the wrong things.  Satan can convince us all day long that what we're doing is "not so bad."  He can use God' promises of salvation and unconditional love to make us think that it's okay to seek pleasure for the desires of our flesh instead of for the glory of God (Romans 8:8 says differently).  But the truth is that we are to strive- with our entire hearts, minds, and souls- to please the Lord our God.  There is no greater goal, and there is no greater joy than that which comes when we are living to please God.

For once you were full of darkness, but now you have light from the Lord.  So live as people of light!  For this light within you produces only what is good and right and true.

Carefully determine what pleases the Lord.

-Ephesians 5:8-10 (NLT)

Interference.

There is nothing like living a life that has been turned upside down by God Himself.

Five months in, and 2012 has already proven itself to be a year that I'm sure will remain very clear in my memory for years to come.   There is not a doubt in my mind that God has changed me drastically for the better since the beginning of this year, but the journey to where I stand now has not been easy.  I've been broken and healed.  Indeed- God picked me up from where I was, spending too many nights crying desperately over what seemed like the end of the world, and called me into His glorious light.

I thought I had things under control.  I liked who I was.  This last semester, I took joy in the fact that I was "finding myself."  Oh, I hadn't forgotten God- I prayed, I talked about Him, I went to Bible studies, I led worship.  I hadn't turned my back on Him at all...but I guess I'd say I was holding Him at a distance.  I was letting Him into only certain spaces of myself.

As if I have the power to hold God anywhere.
As if I have the ability to let Him do anything.

I could take each month of this year, maybe even each week, and tell you something different that God taught me.  Some of the lessons were easy, some were just reminders.  A few were revelations that resulted in noticeable changes in my behavior.  I learned of God's love for me, of His divine plan.  I was reminded that people will always let me down, while He remains constant and good.  I was struck with the realization that I am enough for God, that I am His beautiful child.  He filled me with a kind of joy that I have never had before.

In one of my Bible studies, my small group has been talking about what it is to have a life in which God is constantly interfering.  This isn't a new concept to me, but it hit me hard all the same.  I knew, the first week that we began this study, that the ground on which I stood was about to be shaken.  Despite all of those amazing lessons that God taught me over these past several months, I knew I was not giving my life to God so that it could be consumed.  It's a daily thing- that surrender to His hand- and I knew I wasn't doing it.  And for that reason, I was scared from day one of our study of Not a Fan (by Kyle Idleman).  I knew God was about to remind me what it is to be a follower of Him, and I was not ready to give up my "control."

It took a couple of weeks to really get to me.  God has been speaking to me, and I've been listening, but now I have finally begun to obey.  I have stopped trying to keep Him within limits, only allowed to move in the certain parts of my life.  That power is not mine.  Instead, I'm surrendering my life, desiring that He interfere just like I know He will, and already has.  I've finally realized that I cannot follow Christ with only certain parts of my heart- it's all of me, or nothing.  As I type this truth, I'm smiling, because there is nothing so wonderful as giving Christ what is already His: ALL OF ME.

I'm done finding myself.  Instead, Christ has revealed Himself to me- and my Lord is the only thing worth seeking.  He has taken all of my discontentment, all of my heartbreak, all of my insecurities, and filled me instead with His overwhelming joy.

I could go on forever.  But instead, I'll summarize by saying this:  There is nothing so beautiful as being broken and then healed by His perfect hand.  There is nothing so wonderful as being called a child of God.  As the Lord said, "Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine." -Isaiah 43:1

The struggle makes us hunger.

Every day, I learn something about God.
Sometimes, it's a review of a previous lesson- that constant realization that He's in control, that He is constant, that He never fails.  But then there are days that He reveals more of Himself to me- and while that part of Him has always existed, unchanging, it is new and glorious to me. 
I think the most awesome thing that I have learned, and that I continue learning every day, is the omnipresence of God.  He is everywhere: every situation, every trial, every triumph.  In each new second that is given to me, I encounter something new.  There are moments- that sometimes turn into days, weeks, even months- in which I doubt that God will stay with me.  Every time, I learn that He will.  He is everywhere, He is all-powerful, and He will help me through each new moment.

A hunger aching in my very soul

A fire raging, uncontrolled

His eternity I cannot comprehend

What could it be to have no end?

He is greater than the widest sea

Yet He pours His love into the least of me

No sin could hold me anymore

No pain or sorrow or fearful war

My God is greater than the strongest of these

And His mercy meets me on my knees

No fault too ugly, no sin too dark

It was to conquer these, that nails left their mark

On the hands of my Savior, covered in blood

It is only through Him that we rise above

“Victory is ours!” We’ll joyfully scream

As we stand before God, forever redeemed.

-Aly Samantha-