Rain, Rain...You Can Stay

It's raining outside.  As opposed to inside, which I guess is good.

That was so cheesy.  I'm sorry.

Rainy days make me feel especially productive, so I sit down with my laptop, planner, and notebooks and other productive things like pens and pencils

...and I watch re-runs of Gilmore Girls.  It's great, really.

I've been thinking lately about the fact that most of my blog entries end in a definite conclusion which makes it seem like I've figured it all out.  

Figured it out? Me?  That's funny.  I'm not interested in putting all of my personal troubles out on the internet for the world to see, but I'm willing to shout it from the mountaintops that I am not perfect.  

The thing is that today is actually the first day this semester that I haven't been stressed out enough to cry at any given point of the day.  I wish that was an exaggeration, but it is not.  I've been worrying so much about grades, projects, music lessons, etc. that I have often been anxious to the point of physical sickness.  

I went to bed early last night and got a lot more sleep than I'm used to.  That's probably a lot of why I'm feeling so great today.  Before I went to sleep, though, I prayed my nightly prayer for justice and the end of modern-day slavery (find out more about that here).  Then, as I dozed off, I added something else.  In my sleepy state, I prayed (in words far less eloquent) that God would take my hurt, broken, anxious heart and turn it into something beautiful.

He's good at that.

You see, God took that simple cry for help and answered it today.  Despite the fact that all of the reasons for my stress yesterday still exist today, I feel more peaceful.

"And if God cares so wonderfully for wildflowers that are here today and thrown into the fire tomorrow, he will certainly care for you. Why do you have so little faith?" -Matthew 6:30

Why did I have so little faith?

Immeasurably More

I'm going to be really honest with you guys.  Here goes:

I have no idea how to write a blog post about Passion 2013.

That would be a huge part of the reason that I haven't written one yet, though Passion ended nearly three weeks ago (all other reasons being summed up into the fact that I am absolutely swamped with homework this semester).  But seriously, how does a single person write a post about that experience?  It was four days of complete immersion in worship through music and Bible study and a little bit of self-sacrifice.  Someone other than me might be able to sum up the whole event in a beautiful post that leaves you feeling like you went there yourself.  Nope, not me.  Although, I probably could sum up what the event meant to my physical body in one word: COLD.

It's going to take several posts for me to scratch the surface of what I learned at Passion.  This sounds- and is- cliche, but I truly did return from the Georgia Dome as a new and refreshed human being.  I felt lighter, with more faith than I've ever had before.  I'm not ashamed of the cliche; instead, I'm incredibly grateful that something like Passion exists.  I have no doubt that God uses it for great things.  Mine was not the only life changed as a result of Passion 2013.

One of the passages of Scripture that was used as a focus for the week was Ephesians 3:20-21.

"Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we could ever ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever! Amen."

This passage is not one that I had ever given much thought to prior to Passion.  However, on the morning of January 3rd, my community group (PURPLE) focused on every aspect of the passage and discussed it with our wonderful family groups.  During that time, a visual of what that Scripture really means came into my head. 

This is how I see it on a tangible scale:

Put your hands out in front of you and place your thumbs and fingertips together so that your hands form a circle.  That's the size of my average problem.

Now, break that circle by pulling your hands away from each other and creating the illusion of a slightly larger circle than before.  When I take my problems, sorrows, and even joys to God, that's about how much I expect Him to do with them.  I was raised to believe that God can and will do more than I hope for when I cast my burdens on Him.  That's the image of God that I have grown accustomed to, and sometimes even tragically take for granted.  But if you look at that circle, you'll see that I still put limits on God, even when I know He'll do more than I ask, because I believe He'll do only that much more. 

Now take your hands away from that circle, that boundary that I have put on God, and imagine brushing it away and making those walls disappear.  That's what God does.  He is not limited by any boundary, even if that boundary is outside of what we can imagine as human beings.  He is the God of the immeasurably more.


That was one of the lessons that I am most grateful to have learned at Passion.  I have grown so much in my faith, and I pray that I'll continue to do so. 

God isn't limited to anything- not even moving mountains.  He is able to do immeasurably  more.

And He does.

Never Forsaken (So long, 2012)

I am one of those people who gets extremely sentimental at the end of the year and has to write an entire blog post to commemorate it.  There is just something wonderful about putting all of those memories and lessons learned into graspable words and to know that they are a thing of the past and that something new is coming.

2012.
In this past year, I have known more heartache, fear, joy, and love than I could have ever fathomed.  I have experienced hurt that I never wanted but certainly will never regret.  I have faced rejection over and over again and, as a result, I have found security in my Lord who will never forsake me.  I've been really, really stupid, but I am amazed at how much God loves me anyway.  I went through a lot of scary changes and more are in my near future, but time and time again this year it was proven that God knows what is best for me and that He is constant and omnipotent.  This blog post is a challenge to write because so much has happened that I feel like I could dedicate an entire post to each month.  The truth, though, is that this year and all those before it can be summed up in four words: My God never fails.


The biggest lessons I've learned...

- The Lord provides.  As my relationship with God has become more intimate and I have come to know Him more, I have seen so many ways in which He has provided for me and for others.  Once I stopped taking things for granted and realized God's hand in everything, I became so much more aware of His provision and I am truly in awe.  My faith has grown immensely this year, and my prayers are so much more passionate than before.  There is nothing my God cannot do.

- I am loved in every way. I have already written a post about the ardent love that God has for His followers, which I realized more fully about a month ago.  I am still amazed at how He loves me and I will be basking in this Love for all of eternity.  This Love has instilled a joy and confidence in me that I never knew before.  He fills every hole in my heart and clothes me in strength and dignity. 

- Thou shalt not covet.  At the beginning of this year, I struggled more than I care to admit with that ugly monster called envy.  It was not the material possessions of others that I would envy so much as the talents, personalities, and appearances.  God has helped me so much to work through that, and I have found that He has a lot of joy waiting for me when I turn from what I covet and am truly thankful for what He has given me instead.  He has blessed me so much! 

- God loves passion.  As followers of Christ, we are to seek the Lord's help to emulate Him in every way.  And who is more passionate than God? Absolutely no one.  He created passion, and He is passionate in everything that He does.  I am extremely passionate about music, and I used to struggle with feelings of guilt that I was spending too much time practicing my instruments.  I was convinced that I needed to be spending that time doing other things like volunteering and studying the Bible.  It is true that both of those things are important, but it is also so important that I take the gift that God has given me for music and use it to bring glory to Him.  He loves that I am so passionate about that gift!  It was about the time that I realized that that I changed my major to music and pursued it with a brand new excitement.  God loves passion.


My new year's resolutions...

- Eat healthy and exercise.  Listen, it's a cliche for a reason.
- Spend less, save more, give whenever He bids.  Prudence will be a lesson of 2013.
- Be a Proverbs 31 woman.  Never lose sight of the fact that I am clothed in strength and dignity.
- Bring glory to God by becoming the very best musician that I can be.  He gave me this gift with a purpose.
- Be kind-hearted and encouraging to all those around me.  My God is love.
- Pursue God passionately.
- Glorify God in all that I do. My actions, my words, my thoughts, my relationships with Him and with others.  That is my purpose, the very reason that I am here.


Of course, a lot of things happened this year that I have not included in this blog post, for reasons either that they were too personal or not really relevant to the point I'm trying to make.  My point is this:  Even though a lot of what happened this year could have easily pulled me away from God, somehow it didn't.  I have been pursued by God in the most beautiful way this year.  It is truly awesome to be known by God.

I am really excited for what 2013 holds.  I will be spending the first four days of the year at the Georgia Dome for Passion 2013, and I can't think of a better way to start the year.  I will then begin what promises to be the busiest semester yet.  In March, I will audition for the music education program at the school that I will be transferring to in the fall, and I'm already extremely nervous and excited.  Come August, I will be living on my own for the first time in my life.  Yes, 2013 is going to be full of change, but my God is constant.

My God never fails.

"He has made everything beautiful in its time.  He has also set eternity in the human heart; 

yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end."

Ecclesiastes 3:11