Everything Beautiful.

It's been a rough October.

For me, this month began with high hopes that were crushed rather quickly.  I have been dealing with heartache, school stress, betrayal, and worry.  I'm not going to sit here and say I've stayed positive through all of this- I haven't.  For weeks, I've been just trying to get by without losing my mind or failing any exams, and that's been just about all I could handle.

As the month comes to a close, though, I'm starting to be okay again.  As the season has transitioned from scorching summer to breezy, beautiful autumn, I have moved into a new season of my life as well.  I've made several decisions in the past few weeks that have drastically changed the direction of my path- but I know that it's all for the best.  I fully believe that God has been steering me in this direction for a long time, preparing me sufficiently before calling me to make these decisions.  Isn't it cool how God does that?  There are so many struggles that I've gone through this year that I did not understand the purpose of at all, and now everything is coming together beautifully.  As my favorite verse, Ecclesiastes 3:11, says: "[God] has made everything beautiful in its time."  And so, while I'll admit that the stress has been painful and almost unbearable at times, I am glad for the ways that I have grown through it.

As I move along this path that now heads in a new, exciting direction, I don't want to miss a single moment of what God has for me.  I know I say things to that effect a lot, but to me, it seems I cannot express my excitement about God's plan enough.  When I think about the fact that He is constantly working, without sleeping, and bringing things together for the good of those who love Him, my heart swells with a joy that can only come from the Lord of all creation.

In the back of my mind, I always expect that there will soon come a point when things stop changing, and growing up will be boring instead of so wonderfully exciting.  But you know, with a God like mine, I don't think that will ever happen.  He is constantly revealing more of His infinite coolness.

How has God revealed his "coolness" to you lately?

Brave.

I've always thought it would be cool to be brave.

I don't really know when I stopped wishing I was brave and just was.  I don't have a sob story in which I'm the heroine- honestly, I'm probably just more obnoxiously determined than anything.  I think it occurred to me one day that if I started something, by my very nature I would finish it; therefore, all I needed to be brave enough to do was take the first step.  Say the first word.  Hit the first note.  When I realized that, my world opened up and I became a little bit brave.

I try to do something brave as often as I can.  It's not usually anything too big- I just like saying things that people normally wouldn't, and doing things that I used to be too scared to do.  Last night I did something like that. I changed my major from New Media & Communications, which I've never been completely satisfied with, to Music.

I've wanted to major in music since I was nine years old.  That's always been the dream, ever since I knew what college was.  For as long as I can remember, music has been as necessary to me as breathing.  But as I grew older, I started getting practical.  I started looking at degree programs that would help me get a job, rather than allow me to study something I truly love.  It took over a year of college and 4 major changes, but I've finally landed where I want to be, and where I truly believe that God has always been leading me.  

Now, I know what you're thinking.  So go ahead, ask the question.  I'm ready for it.

"Oh, you're majoring in music... so whatcha gonna do with that?"

I have one answer for you.  It's an answer that has had me grinning all morning, with a joy in my heart that I don't think I've ever had before.  Judge me for it, I don't care.  But here's my answer: 

"Love it."

That Little Red Square

What did you do today?

I've been haunted by that question for the past week.  Lately, I've been feeling like my days are so busy that they just fly by...but it seems like I'm not getting near as much done as some people I know.  So about a week ago, I asked myself, "What did you do today?"

My answer was something like this: I went to class.  I did some homework.  I studied.  I watched Flashpoint on Netflix.  And I spent a little bit too much time clicking that little red square known as a Facebook notification.

I'll be the first to admit to how lame that is.  Seriously?  I did homework, watched TV, and played around on Facebook?  I'm not in high school anymore.  There's nothing wrong with taking it easy sometimes, and it's certainly true that I have more classes on some days than others, so those days go by much more quickly.  However, as I continued to assess how I was consistently spending my days, I became pretty disappointed.  I could be spending my time in much better ways.

Here is the conclusion I've come to.  If I call myself a Christ-follower, I'd better be spending my time following Him- and honestly, I doubt that that involves very much time spent on Facebook obsessing over who likes my status.  If I call myself a musician, I should spend more time cultivating my art.  If I call myself a writer, you guys should probably be seeing my posts pop up in your feed more often, and I should spend more time reading and drawing inspiration from other writers.  If I call myself a student, I should be more diligent in my studies.  If I'm majoring in journalism, I should spend more time reading/watching the news.  The list goes on, but I think you get my point.  I don't just get to be whatever I say I am- I have to work at it.  It wasn't until I realized exactly how much time I've been spending watching television and surfing social networking sites that it hit me that I could have done so much more with my life by now.

So I'm turning around tonight.  Don't worry, I'm not going to go crazy and shut down my Facebook and Twitter and never watch TV again...but I believe in self-control.  Facebook is a great tool for communicating, and I even use it for school sometimes- so I will definitely still use it, but sparingly.  Twitter is fun, but I'm going to be thinking a lot more about what I tweet and how often I check my feed.  I'm definitely not going to keep Netflix open in the next tab like I often do (I'm so embarrassed).  I am so excited about how God is going to use me once I'm not a slave to these things and I'm free to just follow where He leads me.

I know that everyone is at different places in their lives, and I'm not going to stand on a soapbox and tell you to do the same as me.  However, I do know that Christians are called to drop everything and follow Christ.  Right now, for me, that means dropping those things that I've been wasting my time on.  It could mean something completely different for you.  What is God calling you to drop in order to follow Him more closely?

-Sammie

"Then Jesus said to his followers, 'If people want to follow me, they must give up the things they want. They must be willing even to give up their lives to follow me.'"

Matthew 16:24 (NCV)