In all seriousness, though, I did take the time last night to go over all my blog posts from 2013, and I was astounded at how much I have grown in a single year. The last sentence of my last post of 2012 was this: "My God never fails." Quite frankly, though that was and is true, and I believed it just as much then as I do now... I had no idea how much that fact would be proven to me over the next year. I couldn't have known- but it has surely been the most pleasant surprise.
Looking over my posts between February and March, I think God used that time to teach me a lot about trusting Him in order to prepare me for some challenges that I would face later in the year. I wrote about my trust issues in that three-part post series that talked about just how much my life was not turning out the way I had planned it, and how glad I was for that. God also used many people, trials, and blessings to teach me lessons in peace, patience, and even what Christianity means to me personally. Praise God for those lessons- I am reminded of them every day.
My favorite post of the year, though, is this one: Whatever It Takes.
You see, for about six months before that post- maybe even more- I had been struggling with depression. I praise God that I never got to the point of wanting to hurt myself physically. God has very carefully placed loving people in my life who kept me far from that place, and He has protected me. Emotionally, though, I was in a really awful place. My smile was either absent or barely half-hearted for months. I was filled with worry and fear. I was so angry. Yes, I had days when I was okay... but my attitude, in general, was hopeless. The crazy thing is this- I didn't even realize something was wrong. As a broken human being, I have a lot of anxious tendencies in my nature. I just figured that was who I was- destined to broken and sad for eternity, poor little me. (So angsty. Thank God for change.) I poured what little energy I had into school and relationships and I was completely drained. But healing was on its way.
For all I know, anxiety may be something I battle for the rest of my life; however, it was this year that I fully realized that I do not fight alone. Yes, in July 2013, I discovered the part of a relationship with Christ that means true JOY. I can say, without a doubt, that I have never been the same since then. God didn't just throw in some happiness to make up for my gloom. He completely healed my broken heart. He renewed my mind and made a beautiful thing out of the dust. This kind of joy is eternal. Praise the Lord.
Well, the next month, I turned twenty and moved to Milledgeville. God's timing is truly perfect. I have no words to describe how much my life has changed since then, and how blessed I am today. For instance...
- I matured a lot, I think, when I had to buy my own batteries, light bulbs, and milk (I'm being completely serious).
- I learned new ways to work through stress (mostly involving prayer and my guitar).
- I totally conquered the hardest class I have ever taken in my life (*fist pump*).
- I grew so much as a musician.
- I was humbled in a lot of areas, and though it hurt, I am thankful for that.
- I learned just how far I am from perfect, and stopped being such a perfectionist (I'll leave that to God).
The biggest blessing, though, was that I met people that fit my freshly-healed heart perfectly.
The Lord has shown very special kindness to me, yes indeed.
Thank you to all who have prayed for me and stuck with me through it all. It amazes me that I have been blessed with such incredible people in my life, both in my hometown and at my new home in Milledgeville. I am very, very thankful.
So yeah, the new year starts tomorrow. I am very excited for what 2014 holds... but I am also still so awestruck at what God did in me in 2013 that I want to remember it. Tomorrow is not a fresh start to me- it is simply the next step in a very blessed journey. I don't really have any new year's resolutions. I just want to continue following God. He really does know what He's doing. I learn more of that every day, and I pray the same for you. I leave you with these God-breathed words:
The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; His mercies never come to an end;
They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness.
"The Lord is my portion," says my soul, "therefore I will hope in Him."
- Lamentations 3:22-24 -
Happy New Year.
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