Still at Home (Trusting God pt. 1)

If you haven't read my last entry, you might want to go ahead and read it through in order to understand the context for this one.  

God's plan is usually much different than mine- and always so much better.

I'm still living at home, even though I always thought I'd be living on my own by now.  In the particular town that I live in (one of those which everyone is desperate to get out of but no one ever does), the idea of still living with my parents at almost 20 years old, as a full-time student with no job, is downright concerning.  As much as I love my parents, my room, and my dog, I always hoped that I would move away at the ripe age of 18 and start a new life at some huge university like UGA.  Since I was 16 or 17, I have wanted to major in journalism and be a big time broadcast news reporter.  The idea of creeping up on 20 years old and still living at home, going to the local college and changing majors like shoes, would have made me want to cry.

As I have spent these first two years of college at home, though, God has done things through me that would not have worked so well if I were living on my own.  I see now that He has been very carefully guiding me along the path that would lead me towards the right time to move out.  If I had gone away to college in my freshman year, I would not have been able to afford the many times I've changed my major, and I may not have been at a school which would have the music education program that I now need.  More importantly, I would not have met the people who are my best friends in the world today.

In 6 months, I will be moving into an apartment with 3 godly young women and going to the school which has been God's plan for me all along.  I will be a student of music education with the piano as my major instrument.  This plan is beyond my wildest dreams but only an inkling of what God has in store for me.

A lot of the time, trusting God doesn't make sense- but, knowing what I know now, I have no excuse not to trust Him.

Trust Issues

Trusting God is hard.

Oh, I'm sorry, did I say hard?  I meant really hard.
My friends often call me a micro-manager, control freak, etc (all out of love, I'm sure).  I like to have a plan and a list of rules to follow.  I ask questions to the point of being obnoxious so that I can be absolutely certain that I am doing something the right way.  I recently spent a considerable amount of time at a coffee shop determining exactly where each of my friends would sit once they got there- and no, fifteen minutes later, no one actually sat in their designated spot.

My life is not currently going according to the plan that I've had in my head since I was 12.  I'm still living at home, I've never had a boyfriend, and I am not a famous singer. Twelve-year-old me would be appalled.

Sometimes, 19-year-old me is appalled.  Am I doing something wrong?

The answer is, no, I'm not doing something wrong just because my life isn't going according to my original plan.  Instead, God is doing something right- all the time.  Not a moment of my life has slipped through His fingers, and He has repeatedly proven his omniscient power to me.  The Lord is truly the perfect Author of life.

I know that I tend to skim through blog posts when they are too long, so I'm going to break this particular subject into 3 parts which are the most relevant to my life right now, so that they will be easier to read.  The posts will be based on that twelve-year-old's "plan gone wrong"- living at home, never had a boyfriend, and not a famous singer.  I hope that God will use my words to convey to you even more reasons that He is trustworthy.

Trusting God is hard, but it is worth it.

Part 1: Still at Home
Part 2: Never Had a Boyfriend
Part 3: Not a Famous Singer

Rain, Rain...You Can Stay

It's raining outside.  As opposed to inside, which I guess is good.

That was so cheesy.  I'm sorry.

Rainy days make me feel especially productive, so I sit down with my laptop, planner, and notebooks and other productive things like pens and pencils

...and I watch re-runs of Gilmore Girls.  It's great, really.

I've been thinking lately about the fact that most of my blog entries end in a definite conclusion which makes it seem like I've figured it all out.  

Figured it out? Me?  That's funny.  I'm not interested in putting all of my personal troubles out on the internet for the world to see, but I'm willing to shout it from the mountaintops that I am not perfect.  

The thing is that today is actually the first day this semester that I haven't been stressed out enough to cry at any given point of the day.  I wish that was an exaggeration, but it is not.  I've been worrying so much about grades, projects, music lessons, etc. that I have often been anxious to the point of physical sickness.  

I went to bed early last night and got a lot more sleep than I'm used to.  That's probably a lot of why I'm feeling so great today.  Before I went to sleep, though, I prayed my nightly prayer for justice and the end of modern-day slavery (find out more about that here).  Then, as I dozed off, I added something else.  In my sleepy state, I prayed (in words far less eloquent) that God would take my hurt, broken, anxious heart and turn it into something beautiful.

He's good at that.

You see, God took that simple cry for help and answered it today.  Despite the fact that all of the reasons for my stress yesterday still exist today, I feel more peaceful.

"And if God cares so wonderfully for wildflowers that are here today and thrown into the fire tomorrow, he will certainly care for you. Why do you have so little faith?" -Matthew 6:30

Why did I have so little faith?