Waiting.

I have decided, I have resolved to wait upon You, Lord
My Rock and Redeemer, Shield and Reward- I'll wait upon You, Lord
As surely as the sun will rise, You'll come to us, certain as the dawn appears.
You'll come, let your glory fall as You respond to us
Spirit, rain, flood into our thirsty hearts again
You'll come, You'll come.

This song has been stuck in my head all day- due, I'm sure, to the fact that it was the first song we sang in church this morning.  It's one of my favorites.  The music alone is enough to capture me in a state of complete worship, but the lyrics are what really get me.

"I have resolved to wait upon You, Lord."

Oh, I needed to hear those words sung to my heart this morning.  Despite my passionate words about trusting God, I still have a tendency to jump the gun in almost every situation.  I take control too soon.  God opens a door, and I run through it, telling Him to stay behind while I show off my ability to handle what He's given me perfectly.

The thing is, it doesn't work that way.  I don't have an ability to handle what He's given me- perfectly or otherwise.  He never intended for me to.  He never wants me to do anything on my own.

I was hit with that realization a few days ago as I sat at a table in my favorite coffee shop, talking to one of my closest friends.  I had asked her for advice about a situation that I had found myself in that week which was new for me and stressing me out quite a bit.  Her advice was sound and I was, and am, extremely thankful for her words of wisdom.  However, I was also kicking myself for needing that advice.  I told myself that I should have already known most of what she had been telling me, and I shouldn't have been so foolish.

Then I realized what was really happening there.  Iron sharpens iron.  Two are better than one.  My humiliation about not being able to handle that situation well without the advice of my friend spoke to nothing but my foolish pride.  Now, I thank God for placing friends in my life who can speak godly wisdom into my life when my discernment is lacking.

I think I need to slow down, and wait upon the Lord instead of constantly jumping ahead to where He has not yet guided me.  And in those times when I doubt myself, and fear that I am not doing enough on my own, remember, "I have resolved to wait upon You, Lord."

Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.

~Psalm 27:14~

Not a Famous Singer (Trusting God pt. 3)

Intro: {Trust Issues}
Part One: {Still at Home}
Part Two: {Never Had a Boyfriend}

This one probably seems a little absurd.  I mean, of course I'm not a famous singer.  Obviously.  It's not exactly something to get upset about, close my eyes, and say, "I'm trusting God through this."

Or is it?

Anyone who knows me knows that my passion for music burns in the very core of who I am.  Somehow, it's intertwined with every part of my life- my faith, my relationships, how I spend my time.  Even when I was as young as ten years old, my mom would say that it seemed physically painful for me when I went too long without playing the piano.  The same is true today, except that now my need to sing- often- is almost just as strong.  I'm not the girl that doodles "music = life" on her notebooks.  I'm the one who spends so much time working on her music that everyone already knows she can't breathe without it.

I was fourteen years old when I first made up my mind to become a famous singer- but I think, somewhere within me, that dream had always been alive.  I still remember what song I was listening to in the moment of that decision: "Hallelujah" by Krystal Meyers.  I wanted to make everyone feel the love of Christ with my music, just as God had used her songs to communicate that love to me.  I didn't know how, but I was convinced that I'd be recording albums and touring the country by the time I was seventeen.  What can I say?  I was an ambitious kid.

Well, I'm nineteen now.  My desire to reach people with the Gospel through music remains firm within me.  However, that desire has evolved over the years into something much different than simply wanting to be a rockstar. Today, I am a college student majoring in music education so that I can be the best piano teacher and worship leader I can be.  Instead of needing to be center stage, I am perfectly content playing the keyboard in the back if that is where God has placed me.  It took a lot of humbling experiences, especially in the past year, to get me to this point.

So, yes, I'm trusting God even in this life where I am not a famous singer.  I'll tell you why.
God made me a musician.  I will always be, by my very nature, a musician.  I have come to have complete faith that, no matter where I end up, as long as I am using my gifts to glorify Him, all is well.

I don't want to be famous, but I will use everything He has given me to make Him famous.

"As each one has received a gift, minister it to one another, as good stewards of the manifold grace of God...

If anyone ministers, let him do it as with the ability which God supplies, that in all things God may be glorified through Jesus Christ, to whom belong the glory and the dominion forever and ever. Amen." 

~1 Peter 4:10-11~

Disclaimer: Photograph found on Pinterest.  Good luck finding its origin.

Never Had A Boyfriend (Trusting God pt. 2)

This is part 2 of a 3 part series about trusting God.  For the intro, click here.

I am nineteen years old, finishing my sophomore year of college, and I have never had a boyfriend.

*gasp*

People tend to be a little shocked whenever I say those words out loud.  Though I would say that I am an introvert, I do know how to be outgoing when placed in social situations, and I think I'm a generally nice person.  Most people my age think that those traits lead to the obvious conclusion that I have had a boyfriend at some point in my life.  Wrong.

This has actually been kind of a touchy subject for me in months and years past, but lately God has given me a real peace about it and I want to share it with whomever may be in need of that peace today.

When I was somewhere around twelve years old, I felt called by God to make the decision not to date until I was sixteen.  Honestly, that was not a hard commitment to stick to... until I was fifteen and the guy who had had me smitten for a year asked me out.  Still, I said no, and I have no regrets about that today- because, instead of being centered on romance, my relationship with that particular guy was a friendship that was blessed in very obvious ways and still stands today.

I have definitely been seriously interested in other guys besides that one, but a committed relationship never began.  If I told you that that had not led to some true heartache for me, I would be telling a big fat lie.  I've spent more time than I care to admit crying about rejection, broken trust, and pure impatience.

Unlike a lot of good Christian girls born and raised in the Bible Belt, I don't have a set list of traits that my future husband must have.  I have only one requirement- he must be a true follower of Christ.  I've attempted to list other things before, but God has constantly proven to me that He knows what is best for me way better than I do.

It is not because of my decisions that I have never had a boyfriend- rather, it is because of God's providence.  Though I've managed to keep my standards high in most situations, God has always protected me from being in relationships which weren't right for me and my own discernment was flawed.  Looking back, I know that God has done awesome things with my life in the past years that I would have let slip by if I had been caught up in having a boyfriend.

I am waiting for the man who God has prepared for me.  For all I know, I have already met him- or, maybe I won't for many more years.  What I do know, though, is that God has been preparing us for each other, through each of our challenges, triumphs, heartaches and joys.  Once I am in a committed relationship with a man, I hope that he'll be the one.  I want to be able to tell my future husband that my heart was saved just for him.

There are days, and even months when I am filled with doubt and insecurity, but it is during those times that I look back and cannot deny that God has been taking care of me, cradling my fragile heart, in every moment. Whatever may come, or not come, I trust Him.