Something I would guess that most people don't know about me is that I struggle a lot with insecurity. I'm not sure of where it stems from exactly. Something about my nature, though, is like a huge screaming target for Satan to shoot arrows of self-doubt at. That's my weakness. I doubt myself constantly. My abilities, my appearance, my actions, my words, my relationships... you name it, I've probably felt extremely insecure about it at some point, and maybe I still do.
I'm reading a book right now called So Long, Insecurity by Beth Moore. One of my dearest friends loaned it to me at just the right time and God is really using these words in my life.
Beth Moore is a beautiful woman of God who has changed a huge number of lives with her teaching and passionate messages about who God is and who He wants us to be. I wouldn't ever imagine that she would have a need to feel insecure about anything. She's awesome, funny, gorgeous, and God is using her in big ways. But as I read what she has to say, I realize that she has had a terrible struggle with insecurity throughout her entire life. Well, blow me down.
Something I would guess that most people do know about me is that I am a perfectionist. I'm that way about everything- grades, music, relationships, etc. I want to do it all right the first time. But I don't do it all right the first time. Does anyone? If someone does, tell me who it is and I'd like to steer clear of them so that I don't feel even worse. Mistakes break me. That's my pride showing itself all over the place, and I'm very well aware of that. But Beth Moore wrote something in her book that I found very interesting. She said, "Insecurity's best cover is perfectionism. That's when it becomes an art form."
I always wondered how I could be insecure and a perfectionist at the same time. Well there ya go. It boils down to insecurity. I haven't finished the book yet, but I'm thinking it's going to boil further down to pride. The incessant need to be perfect? Uh, yeah, that's got 'pride' written all over it. I'm also seeing a fall coming pretty soon. What was that verse? Oh, yeah...
Pride goes before destruction -Proverbs 16:18
Great.
Anyway, back to my point- there is one, I promise. The thing is, there are a lot of times when I really let this insecurity thing get to me. I let that arrow pierce my heart and stay there so that I can't heal. Then I feel bad for letting Satan get me down, so I'm ashamed and hesitant to ask God for help. But how much sense does that really make? Let's be honest- on my own, I am the farthest thing from perfection. On my own, I have every reason in the world to be insecure. On my own, I'm nothing. The only reason that I can be secure in myself at all is because God, who is Perfection, has created me and His Holy Spirit dwells within me.
Something tells me that I'm not the only person who struggles with this. So if you're struggling, too, this is my challenge to you, and the challenge that I am taking myself- let God heal you. I know that's easier said than done. Even so, dive into His Word and ask Him to remove that arrow from your heart and mend the wound. Ask that He place an assurance within you of His power and strength and His love for you, and let that be your shield from any more of Satan's arrows. And to prevent that destruction that Proverbs mentions, ask that God would humble you so that you have pride only about Christ.
"As for me, may I never boast about anything except the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ. Because of that cross, my interest in this world has been crucified, and the world’s interest in me has also died."
-Galatians 6:14
God created you. He loves you.
Find your security in Him. Let Him be your resting place, your Healer, your Peace.
"He Himself bore our sins in His body on the tree, that we might die to sin and live to righteousness.
By His wounds you have been healed."
-1 Peter 2:24
