Today is Easter Sunday. I can clearly hear birds chirping outside, and a couple of hours ago there was a torrential downpour that lasted all of ten minutes. My clock currently reads 7:15pm, but a glance out my window tells me that it is still bright outside. You know what all of this means? Spring is finally here.
Spring is my favorite season. Everything is so new- the blooming flowers, the green leaves, the songs that the baby birds learn to sing.
Everything is changing.
No matter how much I love spring, I always feel a little sad at the beginning of a new season. As the weather changes and everything in nature responds accordingly, the passing of time is undeniable. As much as I wish I could find a pause button sometimes, there is no way to stop the world from turning. With every new breath I take, I am a little bit older. What am I doing with my life?
Right now, I am in a period of waiting. Patience. I know that I am moving to a new school, but that's months away. I know that I am called to be a worship leader, but I need to learn a lot more about music before I can lead a band. I yearn to get married and start a family of my own. I want desperately to be a better musician. The list goes on. There are so many things that I want to do with my life that I have to patiently work towards and wait for. Honestly, it's frustrating. God has placed all of these desires in my heart so that I will diligently pursue them, but when I am not able to act on these callings yet, I feel like I am not doing what God has purposed for me to do. It's very unsettling, and I'm restless.
"Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart."
- Psalm 37:4 (ESV)
Sometimes, it's that simple. The desire that I have for those things that I listed before is burning in my heart with a passion that is almost painful. I know that God will provide opportunities for me to have them in His perfect timing. Right now, while I wait, all I have to do is delight myself in Him. It's that simple.
He will guide me. He will care for me. He loves me.
What's not to delight in?
Inhale, exhale. Seek the peace of God. Delight yourself in the Lord.
"Life is worth the living just because He lives."
Sunday, March 31, 2013
Monday, March 18, 2013
When I say, "I'm a Christian."
In Christ alone, my hope is found
He is my Light, my Strength, my Song.
My church has been going through a series called "Christian" for the past few weeks, and the words of Pastor Andy Stanley have caused me to question what it truly means to be a Christian. To be honest, I thought I had that one down. After all, I have been calling myself a Christian since I was four years old. I should probably know by now what I mean when I say it.
The truth is that I've always had a tendency to rely on God more than Jesus. Now, before you call me blasphemous or think I'm ignorant for being a Christian all these years and not knowing that God and Jesus are one and the same, just hear me out.
I grew up learning about the Trinity: the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. I have complete faith that each part is wholly God and, in some way that surpasses my understanding, they are separate as well as the same. However, in my mind, I separate them more than I should, and the Father is the one I go to. I don't know why, but I am able to grasp the idea of the love of the Father much more than that of Jesus Christ. In some strange way, I'm scared of my Jesus.
If that isn't brutal honesty, I don't know what is. I accepted the salvation that Jesus offered with His death on the cross, but I've hidden my face from Him since then. I can't believe He loves me that much. I believe God loves me as His child, because I certainly act as a child in my immature decisions and thoughtless mistakes. I'm in awe of His love and eternally grateful for it, but I can grasp and accept it, at least for the most part.
But to believe that Jesus loves me as a person, enough to give His life so that I can spend eternity with Him?
It's too much.
It is too much. But let me tell you this: today, when I say, "I'm a Christian," I'm saying that I have decided to accept the extravagant gift of salvation from Jesus Christ. Despite my weakness and my sinful nature, He has washed me clean. I choose to follow Him. I am His disciple.
I don't deserve it, and that's why I come to the cross on my knees; and, somehow, He meets me here
and oh, how He loves us.
"My hope is built on nothing less
Than Jesus' blood and righteousness
I dare not trust the sweetest frame
But wholly trust in Jesus' name
Christ alone, cornerstone
Weak made strong in the Savior's love
Through the storm, He is Lord, Lord of all."
{"Cornerstone" by Hillsong}
He is my Light, my Strength, my Song.
My church has been going through a series called "Christian" for the past few weeks, and the words of Pastor Andy Stanley have caused me to question what it truly means to be a Christian. To be honest, I thought I had that one down. After all, I have been calling myself a Christian since I was four years old. I should probably know by now what I mean when I say it.
The truth is that I've always had a tendency to rely on God more than Jesus. Now, before you call me blasphemous or think I'm ignorant for being a Christian all these years and not knowing that God and Jesus are one and the same, just hear me out.
I grew up learning about the Trinity: the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. I have complete faith that each part is wholly God and, in some way that surpasses my understanding, they are separate as well as the same. However, in my mind, I separate them more than I should, and the Father is the one I go to. I don't know why, but I am able to grasp the idea of the love of the Father much more than that of Jesus Christ. In some strange way, I'm scared of my Jesus.
If that isn't brutal honesty, I don't know what is. I accepted the salvation that Jesus offered with His death on the cross, but I've hidden my face from Him since then. I can't believe He loves me that much. I believe God loves me as His child, because I certainly act as a child in my immature decisions and thoughtless mistakes. I'm in awe of His love and eternally grateful for it, but I can grasp and accept it, at least for the most part.
But to believe that Jesus loves me as a person, enough to give His life so that I can spend eternity with Him?
It's too much.
It is too much. But let me tell you this: today, when I say, "I'm a Christian," I'm saying that I have decided to accept the extravagant gift of salvation from Jesus Christ. Despite my weakness and my sinful nature, He has washed me clean. I choose to follow Him. I am His disciple.
I don't deserve it, and that's why I come to the cross on my knees; and, somehow, He meets me here
and oh, how He loves us.
"My hope is built on nothing less
Than Jesus' blood and righteousness
I dare not trust the sweetest frame
But wholly trust in Jesus' name
Christ alone, cornerstone
Weak made strong in the Savior's love
Through the storm, He is Lord, Lord of all."
{"Cornerstone" by Hillsong}
Sunday, March 3, 2013
Waiting.
I have decided, I have resolved to wait upon You, Lord
My Rock and Redeemer, Shield and Reward- I'll wait upon You, Lord
As surely as the sun will rise, You'll come to us, certain as the dawn appears.
You'll come, let your glory fall as You respond to us
Spirit, rain, flood into our thirsty hearts again
You'll come, You'll come.
This song has been stuck in my head all day- due, I'm sure, to the fact that it was the first song we sang in church this morning. It's one of my favorites. The music alone is enough to capture me in a state of complete worship, but the lyrics are what really get me.
"I have resolved to wait upon You, Lord."
Oh, I needed to hear those words sung to my heart this morning. Despite my passionate words about trusting God, I still have a tendency to jump the gun in almost every situation. I take control too soon. God opens a door, and I run through it, telling Him to stay behind while I show off my ability to handle what He's given me perfectly.
The thing is, it doesn't work that way. I don't have an ability to handle what He's given me- perfectly or otherwise. He never intended for me to. He never wants me to do anything on my own.
I was hit with that realization a few days ago as I sat at a table in my favorite coffee shop, talking to one of my closest friends. I had asked her for advice about a situation that I had found myself in that week which was new for me and stressing me out quite a bit. Her advice was sound and I was, and am, extremely thankful for her words of wisdom. However, I was also kicking myself for needing that advice. I told myself that I should have already known most of what she had been telling me, and I shouldn't have been so foolish.
Then I realized what was really happening there. Iron sharpens iron. Two are better than one. My humiliation about not being able to handle that situation well without the advice of my friend spoke to nothing but my foolish pride. Now, I thank God for placing friends in my life who can speak godly wisdom into my life when my discernment is lacking.
I think I need to slow down, and wait upon the Lord instead of constantly jumping ahead to where He has not yet guided me. And in those times when I doubt myself, and fear that I am not doing enough on my own, remember, "I have resolved to wait upon You, Lord."
My Rock and Redeemer, Shield and Reward- I'll wait upon You, Lord
As surely as the sun will rise, You'll come to us, certain as the dawn appears.
You'll come, let your glory fall as You respond to us
Spirit, rain, flood into our thirsty hearts again
You'll come, You'll come.
This song has been stuck in my head all day- due, I'm sure, to the fact that it was the first song we sang in church this morning. It's one of my favorites. The music alone is enough to capture me in a state of complete worship, but the lyrics are what really get me.
"I have resolved to wait upon You, Lord."
Oh, I needed to hear those words sung to my heart this morning. Despite my passionate words about trusting God, I still have a tendency to jump the gun in almost every situation. I take control too soon. God opens a door, and I run through it, telling Him to stay behind while I show off my ability to handle what He's given me perfectly.
The thing is, it doesn't work that way. I don't have an ability to handle what He's given me- perfectly or otherwise. He never intended for me to. He never wants me to do anything on my own.
I was hit with that realization a few days ago as I sat at a table in my favorite coffee shop, talking to one of my closest friends. I had asked her for advice about a situation that I had found myself in that week which was new for me and stressing me out quite a bit. Her advice was sound and I was, and am, extremely thankful for her words of wisdom. However, I was also kicking myself for needing that advice. I told myself that I should have already known most of what she had been telling me, and I shouldn't have been so foolish.
Then I realized what was really happening there. Iron sharpens iron. Two are better than one. My humiliation about not being able to handle that situation well without the advice of my friend spoke to nothing but my foolish pride. Now, I thank God for placing friends in my life who can speak godly wisdom into my life when my discernment is lacking.
I think I need to slow down, and wait upon the Lord instead of constantly jumping ahead to where He has not yet guided me. And in those times when I doubt myself, and fear that I am not doing enough on my own, remember, "I have resolved to wait upon You, Lord."
Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.
~Psalm 27:14~
Friday, March 1, 2013
Not a Famous Singer (Trusting God pt. 3)
Intro: {Trust Issues}
Part One: {Still at Home}
Part Two: {Never Had a Boyfriend}
This one probably seems a little absurd. I mean, of course I'm not a famous singer. Obviously. It's not exactly something to get upset about, close my eyes, and say, "I'm trusting God through this."
Or is it?
Anyone who knows me knows that my passion for music burns in the very core of who I am. Somehow, it's intertwined with every part of my life- my faith, my relationships, how I spend my time. Even when I was as young as ten years old, my mom would say that it seemed physically painful for me when I went too long without playing the piano. The same is true today, except that now my need to sing- often- is almost just as strong. I'm not the girl that doodles "music = life" on her notebooks. I'm the one who spends so much time working on her music that everyone already knows she can't breathe without it.
I was fourteen years old when I first made up my mind to become a famous singer- but I think, somewhere within me, that dream had always been alive. I still remember what song I was listening to in the moment of that decision: "Hallelujah" by Krystal Meyers. I wanted to make everyone feel the love of Christ with my music, just as God had used her songs to communicate that love to me. I didn't know how, but I was convinced that I'd be recording albums and touring the country by the time I was seventeen. What can I say? I was an ambitious kid.
Well, I'm nineteen now. My desire to reach people with the Gospel through music remains firm within me. However, that desire has evolved over the years into something much different than simply wanting to be a rockstar. Today, I am a college student majoring in music education so that I can be the best piano teacher and worship leader I can be. Instead of needing to be center stage, I am perfectly content playing the keyboard in the back if that is where God has placed me. It took a lot of humbling experiences, especially in the past year, to get me to this point.
So, yes, I'm trusting God even in this life where I am not a famous singer. I'll tell you why.
God made me a musician. I will always be, by my very nature, a musician. I have come to have complete faith that, no matter where I end up, as long as I am using my gifts to glorify Him, all is well.
I don't want to be famous, but I will use everything He has given me to make Him famous.
Part One: {Still at Home}
Part Two: {Never Had a Boyfriend}
This one probably seems a little absurd. I mean, of course I'm not a famous singer. Obviously. It's not exactly something to get upset about, close my eyes, and say, "I'm trusting God through this."
Or is it?
Anyone who knows me knows that my passion for music burns in the very core of who I am. Somehow, it's intertwined with every part of my life- my faith, my relationships, how I spend my time. Even when I was as young as ten years old, my mom would say that it seemed physically painful for me when I went too long without playing the piano. The same is true today, except that now my need to sing- often- is almost just as strong. I'm not the girl that doodles "music = life" on her notebooks. I'm the one who spends so much time working on her music that everyone already knows she can't breathe without it.
I was fourteen years old when I first made up my mind to become a famous singer- but I think, somewhere within me, that dream had always been alive. I still remember what song I was listening to in the moment of that decision: "Hallelujah" by Krystal Meyers. I wanted to make everyone feel the love of Christ with my music, just as God had used her songs to communicate that love to me. I didn't know how, but I was convinced that I'd be recording albums and touring the country by the time I was seventeen. What can I say? I was an ambitious kid. Well, I'm nineteen now. My desire to reach people with the Gospel through music remains firm within me. However, that desire has evolved over the years into something much different than simply wanting to be a rockstar. Today, I am a college student majoring in music education so that I can be the best piano teacher and worship leader I can be. Instead of needing to be center stage, I am perfectly content playing the keyboard in the back if that is where God has placed me. It took a lot of humbling experiences, especially in the past year, to get me to this point.
So, yes, I'm trusting God even in this life where I am not a famous singer. I'll tell you why.
God made me a musician. I will always be, by my very nature, a musician. I have come to have complete faith that, no matter where I end up, as long as I am using my gifts to glorify Him, all is well.
I don't want to be famous, but I will use everything He has given me to make Him famous.
"As each one has received a gift, minister it to one another, as good stewards of the manifold grace of God...
If anyone ministers, let him do it as with the ability which God supplies, that in all things God may be glorified through Jesus Christ, to whom belong the glory and the dominion forever and ever. Amen."
~1 Peter 4:10-11~
Disclaimer: Photograph found on Pinterest. Good luck finding its origin.
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