This is part 2 of a 3 part series about trusting God. For the intro, click here.
I am nineteen years old, finishing my sophomore year of college, and I have never had a boyfriend.
*gasp*
People tend to be a little shocked whenever I say those words out loud. Though I would say that I am an introvert, I do know how to be outgoing when placed in social situations, and I think I'm a generally nice person. Most people my age think that those traits lead to the obvious conclusion that I have had a boyfriend at some point in my life. Wrong.
This has actually been kind of a touchy subject for me in months and years past, but lately God has given me a real peace about it and I want to share it with whomever may be in need of that peace today.
When I was somewhere around twelve years old, I felt called by God to make the decision not to date until I was sixteen. Honestly, that was not a hard commitment to stick to... until I was fifteen and the guy who had had me smitten for a year asked me out. Still, I said no, and I have no regrets about that today- because, instead of being centered on romance, my relationship with that particular guy was a friendship that was blessed in very obvious ways and still stands today.
I have definitely been seriously interested in other guys besides that one, but a committed relationship never began. If I told you that that had not led to some true heartache for me, I would be telling a big fat lie. I've spent more time than I care to admit crying about rejection, broken trust, and pure impatience.
Unlike a lot of good Christian girls born and raised in the Bible Belt, I don't have a set list of traits that my future husband must have. I have only one requirement- he must be a true follower of Christ. I've attempted to list other things before, but God has constantly proven to me that He knows what is best for me way better than I do.
It is not because of my decisions that I have never had a boyfriend- rather, it is because of God's providence. Though I've managed to keep my standards high in most situations, God has always protected me from being in relationships which weren't right for me and my own discernment was flawed. Looking back, I know that God has done awesome things with my life in the past years that I would have let slip by if I had been caught up in having a boyfriend.
I am waiting for the man who God has prepared for me. For all I know, I have already met him- or, maybe I won't for many more years. What I do know, though, is that God has been preparing us for each other, through each of our challenges, triumphs, heartaches and joys. Once I am in a committed relationship with a man, I hope that he'll be the one. I want to be able to tell my future husband that my heart was saved just for him.
There are days, and even months when I am filled with doubt and insecurity, but it is during those times that I look back and cannot deny that God has been taking care of me, cradling my fragile heart, in every moment. Whatever may come, or not come, I trust Him.
Thursday, February 21, 2013
Tuesday, February 19, 2013
Still at Home (Trusting God pt. 1)
If you haven't read my last entry, you might want to go ahead and read it through in order to understand the context for this one.
God's plan is usually much different than mine- and always so much better.
I'm still living at home, even though I always thought I'd be living on my own by now. In the particular town that I live in (one of those which everyone is desperate to get out of but no one ever does), the idea of still living with my parents at almost 20 years old, as a full-time student with no job, is downright concerning. As much as I love my parents, my room, and my dog, I always hoped that I would move away at the ripe age of 18 and start a new life at some huge university like UGA. Since I was 16 or 17, I have wanted to major in journalism and be a big time broadcast news reporter. The idea of creeping up on 20 years old and still living at home, going to the local college and changing majors like shoes, would have made me want to cry.
As I have spent these first two years of college at home, though, God has done things through me that would not have worked so well if I were living on my own. I see now that He has been very carefully guiding me along the path that would lead me towards the right time to move out. If I had gone away to college in my freshman year, I would not have been able to afford the many times I've changed my major, and I may not have been at a school which would have the music education program that I now need. More importantly, I would not have met the people who are my best friends in the world today.
In 6 months, I will be moving into an apartment with 3 godly young women and going to the school which has been God's plan for me all along. I will be a student of music education with the piano as my major instrument. This plan is beyond my wildest dreams but only an inkling of what God has in store for me.
A lot of the time, trusting God doesn't make sense- but, knowing what I know now, I have no excuse not to trust Him.
God's plan is usually much different than mine- and always so much better.
I'm still living at home, even though I always thought I'd be living on my own by now. In the particular town that I live in (one of those which everyone is desperate to get out of but no one ever does), the idea of still living with my parents at almost 20 years old, as a full-time student with no job, is downright concerning. As much as I love my parents, my room, and my dog, I always hoped that I would move away at the ripe age of 18 and start a new life at some huge university like UGA. Since I was 16 or 17, I have wanted to major in journalism and be a big time broadcast news reporter. The idea of creeping up on 20 years old and still living at home, going to the local college and changing majors like shoes, would have made me want to cry.
As I have spent these first two years of college at home, though, God has done things through me that would not have worked so well if I were living on my own. I see now that He has been very carefully guiding me along the path that would lead me towards the right time to move out. If I had gone away to college in my freshman year, I would not have been able to afford the many times I've changed my major, and I may not have been at a school which would have the music education program that I now need. More importantly, I would not have met the people who are my best friends in the world today.
In 6 months, I will be moving into an apartment with 3 godly young women and going to the school which has been God's plan for me all along. I will be a student of music education with the piano as my major instrument. This plan is beyond my wildest dreams but only an inkling of what God has in store for me.
A lot of the time, trusting God doesn't make sense- but, knowing what I know now, I have no excuse not to trust Him.
Trust Issues
Trusting God is hard.
Oh, I'm sorry, did I say hard? I meant really hard.
My friends often call me a micro-manager, control freak, etc (all out of love, I'm sure). I like to have a plan and a list of rules to follow. I ask questions to the point of being obnoxious so that I can be absolutely certain that I am doing something the right way. I recently spent a considerable amount of time at a coffee shop determining exactly where each of my friends would sit once they got there- and no, fifteen minutes later, no one actually sat in their designated spot.
My life is not currently going according to the plan that I've had in my head since I was 12. I'm still living at home, I've never had a boyfriend, and I am not a famous singer. Twelve-year-old me would be appalled.
Sometimes, 19-year-old me is appalled. Am I doing something wrong?
The answer is, no, I'm not doing something wrong just because my life isn't going according to my original plan. Instead, God is doing something right- all the time. Not a moment of my life has slipped through His fingers, and He has repeatedly proven his omniscient power to me. The Lord is truly the perfect Author of life.
I know that I tend to skim through blog posts when they are too long, so I'm going to break this particular subject into 3 parts which are the most relevant to my life right now, so that they will be easier to read. The posts will be based on that twelve-year-old's "plan gone wrong"- living at home, never had a boyfriend, and not a famous singer. I hope that God will use my words to convey to you even more reasons that He is trustworthy.
Trusting God is hard, but it is worth it.
Part 1: Still at Home
Part 2: Never Had a Boyfriend
Part 3: Not a Famous Singer
Oh, I'm sorry, did I say hard? I meant really hard.
My friends often call me a micro-manager, control freak, etc (all out of love, I'm sure). I like to have a plan and a list of rules to follow. I ask questions to the point of being obnoxious so that I can be absolutely certain that I am doing something the right way. I recently spent a considerable amount of time at a coffee shop determining exactly where each of my friends would sit once they got there- and no, fifteen minutes later, no one actually sat in their designated spot.
My life is not currently going according to the plan that I've had in my head since I was 12. I'm still living at home, I've never had a boyfriend, and I am not a famous singer. Twelve-year-old me would be appalled.
Sometimes, 19-year-old me is appalled. Am I doing something wrong?
The answer is, no, I'm not doing something wrong just because my life isn't going according to my original plan. Instead, God is doing something right- all the time. Not a moment of my life has slipped through His fingers, and He has repeatedly proven his omniscient power to me. The Lord is truly the perfect Author of life.
I know that I tend to skim through blog posts when they are too long, so I'm going to break this particular subject into 3 parts which are the most relevant to my life right now, so that they will be easier to read. The posts will be based on that twelve-year-old's "plan gone wrong"- living at home, never had a boyfriend, and not a famous singer. I hope that God will use my words to convey to you even more reasons that He is trustworthy.
Trusting God is hard, but it is worth it.
Part 1: Still at Home
Part 2: Never Had a Boyfriend
Part 3: Not a Famous Singer
Thursday, February 7, 2013
Rain, Rain...You Can Stay
It's raining outside. As opposed to inside, which I guess is good.
That was so cheesy. I'm sorry.
Rainy days make me feel especially productive, so I sit down with my laptop, planner, and notebooks and other productive things like pens and pencils
...and I watch re-runs of Gilmore Girls. It's great, really.
I've been thinking lately about the fact that most of my blog entries end in a definite conclusion which makes it seem like I've figured it all out.
Figured it out? Me? That's funny. I'm not interested in putting all of my personal troubles out on the internet for the world to see, but I'm willing to shout it from the mountaintops that I am not perfect.
The thing is that today is actually the first day this semester that I haven't been stressed out enough to cry at any given point of the day. I wish that was an exaggeration, but it is not. I've been worrying so much about grades, projects, music lessons, etc. that I have often been anxious to the point of physical sickness.
I went to bed early last night and got a lot more sleep than I'm used to. That's probably a lot of why I'm feeling so great today. Before I went to sleep, though, I prayed my nightly prayer for justice and the end of modern-day slavery (find out more about that here). Then, as I dozed off, I added something else. In my sleepy state, I prayed (in words far less eloquent) that God would take my hurt, broken, anxious heart and turn it into something beautiful.
He's good at that.
You see, God took that simple cry for help and answered it today. Despite the fact that all of the reasons for my stress yesterday still exist today, I feel more peaceful.
- "And if God cares so wonderfully for wildflowers that are here today and thrown into the fire tomorrow, he will certainly care for you. Why do you have so little faith?" -Matthew 6:30
- Why did I have so little faith?
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