Never Forsaken (So long, 2012)

I am one of those people who gets extremely sentimental at the end of the year and has to write an entire blog post to commemorate it.  There is just something wonderful about putting all of those memories and lessons learned into graspable words and to know that they are a thing of the past and that something new is coming.

2012.
In this past year, I have known more heartache, fear, joy, and love than I could have ever fathomed.  I have experienced hurt that I never wanted but certainly will never regret.  I have faced rejection over and over again and, as a result, I have found security in my Lord who will never forsake me.  I've been really, really stupid, but I am amazed at how much God loves me anyway.  I went through a lot of scary changes and more are in my near future, but time and time again this year it was proven that God knows what is best for me and that He is constant and omnipotent.  This blog post is a challenge to write because so much has happened that I feel like I could dedicate an entire post to each month.  The truth, though, is that this year and all those before it can be summed up in four words: My God never fails.


The biggest lessons I've learned...

- The Lord provides.  As my relationship with God has become more intimate and I have come to know Him more, I have seen so many ways in which He has provided for me and for others.  Once I stopped taking things for granted and realized God's hand in everything, I became so much more aware of His provision and I am truly in awe.  My faith has grown immensely this year, and my prayers are so much more passionate than before.  There is nothing my God cannot do.

- I am loved in every way. I have already written a post about the ardent love that God has for His followers, which I realized more fully about a month ago.  I am still amazed at how He loves me and I will be basking in this Love for all of eternity.  This Love has instilled a joy and confidence in me that I never knew before.  He fills every hole in my heart and clothes me in strength and dignity. 

- Thou shalt not covet.  At the beginning of this year, I struggled more than I care to admit with that ugly monster called envy.  It was not the material possessions of others that I would envy so much as the talents, personalities, and appearances.  God has helped me so much to work through that, and I have found that He has a lot of joy waiting for me when I turn from what I covet and am truly thankful for what He has given me instead.  He has blessed me so much! 

- God loves passion.  As followers of Christ, we are to seek the Lord's help to emulate Him in every way.  And who is more passionate than God? Absolutely no one.  He created passion, and He is passionate in everything that He does.  I am extremely passionate about music, and I used to struggle with feelings of guilt that I was spending too much time practicing my instruments.  I was convinced that I needed to be spending that time doing other things like volunteering and studying the Bible.  It is true that both of those things are important, but it is also so important that I take the gift that God has given me for music and use it to bring glory to Him.  He loves that I am so passionate about that gift!  It was about the time that I realized that that I changed my major to music and pursued it with a brand new excitement.  God loves passion.


My new year's resolutions...

- Eat healthy and exercise.  Listen, it's a cliche for a reason.
- Spend less, save more, give whenever He bids.  Prudence will be a lesson of 2013.
- Be a Proverbs 31 woman.  Never lose sight of the fact that I am clothed in strength and dignity.
- Bring glory to God by becoming the very best musician that I can be.  He gave me this gift with a purpose.
- Be kind-hearted and encouraging to all those around me.  My God is love.
- Pursue God passionately.
- Glorify God in all that I do. My actions, my words, my thoughts, my relationships with Him and with others.  That is my purpose, the very reason that I am here.


Of course, a lot of things happened this year that I have not included in this blog post, for reasons either that they were too personal or not really relevant to the point I'm trying to make.  My point is this:  Even though a lot of what happened this year could have easily pulled me away from God, somehow it didn't.  I have been pursued by God in the most beautiful way this year.  It is truly awesome to be known by God.

I am really excited for what 2013 holds.  I will be spending the first four days of the year at the Georgia Dome for Passion 2013, and I can't think of a better way to start the year.  I will then begin what promises to be the busiest semester yet.  In March, I will audition for the music education program at the school that I will be transferring to in the fall, and I'm already extremely nervous and excited.  Come August, I will be living on my own for the first time in my life.  Yes, 2013 is going to be full of change, but my God is constant.

My God never fails.

"He has made everything beautiful in its time.  He has also set eternity in the human heart; 

yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end."

Ecclesiastes 3:11

With a Fervent Heart

Something that has been on my mind quite a bit lately is the power of prayer.  I guess in the last few years I have become pretty casual with my prayers, and that is something that God has been changing in me recently.  The thing is, a lot of times I don't feel like there is a problem in my prayer life because I talk to God a lot.  Many of my thoughts are prayers.  I am very glad that I have that kind of relationship with God- I truly do feel the friendship that Christians are promised in Romans 5:11.  However, there are times when I get so comfortable with that friendship that I neglect the fact that He is my Lord.  It is so tremendously important to spend time bowed on both knees, focused on only Him, and praying with a fervent heart.

 Even though I don't always notice immediately when I haven't been praying as I should, I definitely notice when I have.  I cannot stress the power of prayer enough.  When I spend time genuinely praying and listening to God- His Word is only one of the ways that He uses to speak in our lives- it is evident in every single area of my life.  It blows my mind.  What's more, He rarely answers my prayers in the ways that I would expect.  Though it doesn't always feel this way, God truly does always answer my prayers with a better response than I could ever have come up with on my own.  Trust me on this- God is really cool.  It's not like He answers our prayers in a way that we always have to just miserably trust that it's His will and kind of wish that things could have gone a little differently.  No, He wants us to have joy.  He is really cool.  He answers prayers even about the things that you don't think would matter to Him.  You matter to Him.

Only a few weeks ago, I found myself in kind of a desperate place.  Sometimes it doesn't take any specific event to break your heart- you just realize one day that has been damaged so much that now it is definitely broken, even shattered, and you are left picking up the pieces.  That's where I was.  This may sound crazy or cliché, but sometimes that is honestly the best place to be; that is, if you decide to give those pieces of your heart to the God who made them and let Him place them perfectly together. 
It was at this desperate place that I began to pray fervently.  I began to plead.  It is not really in my nature to plead, and I don't usually plead to God- but I have been doing that a lot more often lately.  Not just that once, either.  I am asking for His help that He make it a habit of mine to pray passionately and constantly. 

The peace that overwhelms me during these prayers is indescribable.  It is not only spiritual, but physical- even my breath comes easier.  I want to challenge you to try it.  If you're lost for words, start with the prayer that Jesus lays out for His followers in Matthew 6.  Take the time to put it in your own words and hold nothing back. 

Sometimes it doesn't make sense to pray.  After all, God already knows our hearts.  Even so, when He instructed us to pray, He knew what He was doing.  Even Jesus prayed, and we ought to follow in His footsteps. 
Sometimes it's scary to pray.  Confessing sins is scary- but our God is forgiving.  Asking for big things is scary- but our God is able.  Resisting temptation is scary- but our God is strong.  Asking for a change of heart is scary- but our God is loving.
Sometimes it doesn't feel like prayer is working.  I feel that in my own life sometimes- actually, a lot.  There is one person in my life for whom I have been praying for about 13 years.  I've tried changing the way I word my prayers. I've tried to pray more specifically. I've tried to pray more often.  I've tried to somehow pray harder.  I've tried to give up.  I've tried to get other people to pray.  It is the most discouraging thing that I know, and it brings tears to my eyes to think of it.  I don't understand why my prayers have not been answered in the way that I long for, but I know that God is just.  I know that He hears my prayers and that He knows my struggle.  I trust that He is doing a great thing. 
Sometimes it feels like it's too late to pray.  That's something that has been coming up a lot lately in the context of the terrible massacre in Connecticut.  But I believe with every ounce of me that it is more important to pray now than ever before.  People need Christ.  We need the peace of God.  There is no better way to come closer to the Lord than through prayer.  What an awesome thing it is to know that in the midst of tragedy, we worship a God who is good, who is the Healer, who is omnipotent.

When we pray to God, we access a Power that is unlike anything we have ever held in our human hands. That is nothing to be casual about.  Pray with a fervent heart.

The Lord hears His people when they call to Him for help.  

 He rescues them from all their troubles. 

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; 

He rescues those whose spirits are crushed.

Psalm 24:17-18 (NLT)